A failed drawing.
A failed drawing.

The above image shows an entry into my art journal with a piece of ripped up drawing glued to the page.  I have kept an art journal, by the way, since 1998.  It isn’t like a diary which is written in every day but I write whenever I feel like it.  (Currently I’ve just begun volume 11.)

I kept this relic of a drawing because I liked Kotomi’s eyes even though the drawing was no good.  The heavy scribbled lines over the drawing indicate my state of mind – ‘THAT’S IT!!!’ – as I killed the work with angry strokes before ripping it up.  (I usually furiously scribble over a picture before ripping.)

Art students may have the mistaken belief that professional artists don’t have failures.  Perhaps some don’t but I have many failures.  Even though I don’t like having them, they are important as they are a result of forging forward into difficult territory – in my opinion.

It is easy to be disheartened though and I find I can lose confidence when a work has gone into the rubbish bin.  However confidence returns after a small interval.

Coloured pencils are so labour intensive that I can be working on something for a couple of weeks before I realize it is a lost cause.

Another one bites the dust!

All the same, as bitter a pill as a failure is, it is still an important part of learning.  The learning never stops whether you are a student or a professional.  Hence the failures never stop.        ______________________________________________________

I saw the film “Hitchcock” today with Anthony Hopkins and Helen Mirren.  In the story, Alfred Hitchcock thinks “Psycho”, the film he is working on, is a failure.  He says to his wife, Alma, “I didn’t pull off the picture this time.  It just sits there, refusing to come to life…” -then  – “There’s no other way to say it…it’s stillborn.”

I couldn’t put it better myself.  That is exactly how it feels when a drawing is not working.  Those spoken words were so familiar to me that I had to scrabble for a pen and paper from my bag, while in the dark cinema, to write them down.

Afterword:  a note on the subject of failure in 2020 – I give every work I begin permission to fail.  This doesn’t mean I want it to fail.  I will do everything I can to make it work out.  But I must be able to push my boundaries as far as possible.  This way I know that I do my best work.  If I played it safe I would be bored.

In 2021 the journal keeping is still going well. I have started volume 17 – so it really is a long time ago that I wrote this page “Failures”. Oddly enough I seem to have less failures these days…

Related posts:  Art Hell and Art Hell 2 and Quality Control

ps if you would like to see the five drawings of Kotomi which DID work, they are on the post Five Views of Kotomi

9 thoughts on “Failures!

  1. Virginia Benker

    I was about to go to bed when I noticed the word “failures” included with your blog titles and I had to open it up and read it. I could not believe that such a talented artist like yourself would have experienced any failures in your art ( oh sure, maybe way in the beginning). I have to say it gives me hope to continue working toward being a better colored pencil artist. At this

  2. Virginia Benker

    At this stage of my life I hope and pray for far more successes and fewer failures. Thank you for sharing your personal info. Best wishes, Virginia
    PS. Have you ever thought about writing a book?

  3. juliepodstolski Post author

    Hi Virginia, Well if I can give readers hope, that is excellent. Oh believe me, I have failures, doubts about art, doubts about direction, every sort of doubt that anybody else has.
    The worst thing would be to feel that every single piece must succeed. If I booked exhibitions too often I might feel that pressure. I book them nice and far apart so that I have the time to factor in pictures not succeeding.
    As to writing a book, I’ve thought about it but haven’t gotten further than that. I like this format as I can answer questions as they come up, like yours. I hope readers are enjoying this because I’m loving it! Sharing ideas is a delight.
    (That is another thing – I work alone like a hermit, so dialogue such as this is a treat).

    1. Gail Croome

      The word failure jumped out at me. Imagine an experienced artist having this problem. I recently spent a considerable amount of time on a drawing, only to mess up the whole effect by the background not being just right. I decide to cut out the butterfly from the backgroung and incorporate it into a card, sometimes we have to think outside the square to make another creation. I think some of my stuff-ups have accidently created another outlet. Love your work !

      1. juliepodstolski Post author

        Hi Gail, I think it is a misconception out there in the world that professionals (at anything) don’t stuff up. It is a natural part of the learning process – and – we NEVER stop learning. Thanks for your comment.

  4. Tara

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!! I love that you have failures and you have the confidence to share them with the world. When I see art that is of such a high caliber and extreme sophistication; it is difficult to remember that art isn’t magic and that the brilliance of your perseverance is simply that. Your ability (granted with talent to see the world from your unique perspective) and your constant companion called practice once started out with simple crude strokes and the essence of a dream. I appreciate those blessed few failures you do have because perhaps one day with enough effort my simple crude strokes can obtain your level of greatness.

  5. Marian O'Rourke

    Your drawings and paintings fill me with joy. They give me courage to stretch the boundaries. I am a mainly self taught ( l took a handful of simple classes ) amateur artist with the enthusiasm of a professional. Such is my love for colour that l attempt the most difficult of subjects regardless and yes of course am disappointed beyond belief when l don’t achieve an exact mirror of my subject. Still after a little rest l go at things again as the colour hypnotises me and once again l indulge myself in the wonderful world of art. I can’t remember a time in my life when drawing and painting were not a part of my dream world and much as l tell myself sometimes to leave it all to the “real” artists, it’s a compulsion that l cannot resist. Thank you for sharing your amazing talent . The colour in your work is my dream come true.

    1. juliepodstolski Post author

      Hi Marian, thank you for such a beautiful and heartfelt comment. If I have any skills with colour it is due to lessons I learned in the art class at high school and university, and then a lifetime of putting those lessons into practice. Thank you!


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