“This is the end, my only friend, the end…” (The Doors).
“Waaahhhh!” (That’s me crying.) Well, not really, but I am sad. I worked so hard at a drawing for nearly three weeks – all in vain. Tonight after trying EVERYTHING to solve the problems, I finally put myself and the drawing out of our miseries by tearing up the offending piece. I had intended to photograph it for a post but I’m not courageous enough to share a failure with you (except when it is ripped up).
It is a peculiar thing as the drawing, which I had called “Sakura at Dusk”, started off so well. Two weeks ago when I wrote about my drawing”Rare View” I said that it took me a long time to connect with that piece. I had been about three quarters of the way through the drawing before I really began to enjoy it. “Sakura at Dusk” was the opposite experience. I loved working on it right from the start. It was one of my blurry type of drawings with most of it being out of focus and just some sakura (cherry blossom) in the foreground in focus. So I merrily worked away on it and it seemed that it effortlessly finished itself. I put it up on the easel and was satisfied…that is… until I wasn’t!
The more I looked at it, the more I adjusted it. The more I adjusted it, the more I wasn’t happy. This state of affairs went on for days. During that time I wrote last week’s post “Art Hell”. Mentally the drawing went from being called “Sakura at Dusk” to “Art Hell”. As I got more agitated, it became less and less “Sakura at Dusk” until its title totally turned into “Art Hell”.
I had overworked “Sakura at Dusk/Art Hell” until the colours had turned muddy with layering. And all the way through I couldn’t make up my mind. One minute I’d think ‘ah ha – THAT’S fixed it’. Next I’d think ‘wow, it’s beautiful’. Then I would look again and know that it really wasn’t. I had to keep trying because, while I didn’t love it, I didn’t hate it either, not while there was hope of redemption. At least in the end (tonight) I knew that I really DID hate it. Out damn spot!!!
I had a lot of pleasure working on the drawing as well as miles of frustration and some anguish. After many hours of work I don’t have anything to show for it. However I now put this behind me and look ahead. What’s next? I began a new piece the other day. I will ‘keep calm and carry on’ as they say. At least – I’ll look for calm. Where is it? I must have put it somewhere. When I locate it, I’ll attempt to keep it – and then I’ll carry on.
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